Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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