He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
