Please, let me fuck your mom
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
