I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
