We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
That accounts for only three of the penises
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
