haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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