I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
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