I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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