My nipple is on Facebook.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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