I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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