Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
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