thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
