i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
