no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
