He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
