The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
