Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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