Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
