i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
