I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
