$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
