The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I will pee on everything he values.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
