I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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