Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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