I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
