So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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