I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
