R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
