i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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