All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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