I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize