just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
