He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
