No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
