She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
is it fun? or sober?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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