arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
it was like his penis was on wheels.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize