awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
last night I used snow as a chaser
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
