If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I am available for nakedness
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize