i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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