That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
