I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think im going to throw up on grandma
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
love makes seman taste better
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
