I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
