Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
