I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
