This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
