I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Why can't burritos get me drunk
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
