But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
