I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
