fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
