just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize