So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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