Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
