I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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