cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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