I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
