The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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