I looked at my own cervix.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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