I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
