I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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