the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I need help removing her.
If that was your dad, he is hot
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
