And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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