remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Randomize
