So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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