my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
