So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
