He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
