I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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