No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
